Book Of Darkness ........
u said it once " i love ur pen"...
but now .. I HATE MY PEN....
when my pen can't express me then i shall break it..
when my pen can't write what's inside then i shall throw it away...
why??
u were always my last shelter that could understand the struggle inside..
why did u fail me now?
I could do nothin other than collecting older articles into one book..
The Book Of Darkness
Chapter 1 :In My Darkest Hours.......
speechless..
motionless..
berathless....
mindless...
heartless....
sleepless.....
hopeless....
everything is turning black so quickly....
every breathe of life is disappearin.....
every flower is fadin....
every minute is like a year.....
when evrey second passin is a wip ....
when pain dominates ......
when u can do nth , even prayer is meaningless...
why did u put me there first place ?!!!
'am so tired of thinkin ....
'am Mentally Blocked Down.....
many maybes and whatifs .....
same result ......
Chapter 2 : INFECTED....
"Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real "
thought i was immune....
thought i was strong...
didn realize it till i found it suddenly so cold....
cold inside .....
that's not me.....
why did i become like this?!!
cold that freezez all the warm feelings , all the love ......
cold that freezez ma mind , ma heart & ma soul....
pain's dominating.....
i can't be like this .....
when did i get infected ?!!!
i can't bear it ....
it's ma first time to get infected....
Chapter 3 :Between downs and downs ( previously between ups and downs)
when i need a friend and can't find him/her
that brings me down ...........
when i find that all i was doin was such a game ...just fun
that kills me down
When i find that darkness became my friend and silence my companion...
that breaks me down...
"-Tell me a story about why you're sad.
+Do you think I'm sad?
What makes you think that?
-Your eyes told me."
Chapter 4 : Worthless(NO ME AMES)
what's my value in life?
what did i do in my life to make me a worthy person ?
wha did i do to be proud of ?
what field am i special in ?
NOTHIN......
'am totally worthless , useless , mindless ....
unfortunately i began to feel 'am a hopeless case ...
it's not a matter of these days , what happened , what's happening or what shall happen ..
it's a matter of this life , my life ....
when life and death becomes equal ....
when existance becomes of no use .....
when failure becomes a daily routine...
"No Me Ames ...
porque pienses que parezco diferente....
porque estoy perdido...
porque cambie el mundo....
porque es el destino....
porque no se puede....."
Chapter 5 : Dilemma .....
my church which ain't my church .....
my friends who ain't my friends.....
my community which ain't my community...
me who ain't me at all .....
all struggling inside me
i don't know who is mina or who is rostom.......
a mess....
a big mess in ma mind .....
lot's of thoughts , many issues , many different directions ...
friends , church , project , future , courses , plans,.....
faded visions , delusional facts .....
activities ....
as if we have nothin but activities......
activities that increase dispersion beyond the normal level ......
rebelous moves aiming to change the world .....
or is it just.... ?
who knows ?
"so2al wa7ed
sab7 el so2al million
tab fina kam wa7ed
sa2l el so2al begnon
tab men ana
we leeh we feen we ezay yekon
el kalam 3ani laken mahosh meny!!!"
Chapter 6 :Dark Thoughts.......
Dark thoughts are roaming my mind ......
Depression ..
Frustration...
Confusion...
Weakness...
Sadness...
Madness...
Insanity....
Being so Helpless ....
" I get lost in the nothingness inside of me .....
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long (Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along Somewhere I belong ....." Linkin Park
" Enta msh hatest7mel nafsak ....." said she
Darkness....
Loss.....
" can't find urself , lost in urlife ......" Evanescence
Attenuated relations
Scattered thoughts
Delusional facts
"It's not how YOU play the GAME , It's how the GAME plays YOU !!!! "
"Welcome to the REAL WORLD ......"
Darkness......
Nothing but endless darkness , sometimes interrupted by faceless
people and unidentifid speech
A voice from far away " UTOPIA IS DOWN !!!! " .........
" You want to know the truth , ok . Which truth u want , ur truth , our truth or THE TRUTH ? ! ! ! ! "
Well let me tell you one thing that is .......
'am MENTALLY BLOCKED DOWN
Chapter 7: It's getting DARKER ....
Rain .....
Endless floods of rain...
" I'm so tired of being hereSuppressed by all my childish fears "
Rain drops over the glasses .....
" When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears "
Wind roaoring ....
" When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears "
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase "
Dark thoughts blocking me mentally
" I'm falling forever...I'm going under "
Water everywhere ....
Alone in this time of the night ...
"i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost? "
Final Chapter : Death...
" men zamaan 3ayesh be 3a2ly
we 2alby rafed fat7 baboh
sabab makhawfoh kan elly shayfoh
mel 7ob we men so7aboh ....."
but now .. I HATE MY PEN....
when my pen can't express me then i shall break it..
when my pen can't write what's inside then i shall throw it away...
why??
u were always my last shelter that could understand the struggle inside..
why did u fail me now?
I could do nothin other than collecting older articles into one book..
The Book Of Darkness
Chapter 1 :In My Darkest Hours.......
speechless..
motionless..
berathless....
mindless...
heartless....
sleepless.....
hopeless....
everything is turning black so quickly....
every breathe of life is disappearin.....
every flower is fadin....
every minute is like a year.....
when evrey second passin is a wip ....
when pain dominates ......
when u can do nth , even prayer is meaningless...
why did u put me there first place ?!!!
'am so tired of thinkin ....
'am Mentally Blocked Down.....
many maybes and whatifs .....
same result ......
Chapter 2 : INFECTED....
"Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real "
thought i was immune....
thought i was strong...
didn realize it till i found it suddenly so cold....
cold inside .....
that's not me.....
why did i become like this?!!
cold that freezez all the warm feelings , all the love ......
cold that freezez ma mind , ma heart & ma soul....
pain's dominating.....
i can't be like this .....
when did i get infected ?!!!
i can't bear it ....
it's ma first time to get infected....
Chapter 3 :Between downs and downs ( previously between ups and downs)
when i need a friend and can't find him/her
that brings me down ...........
when i find that all i was doin was such a game ...just fun
that kills me down
When i find that darkness became my friend and silence my companion...
that breaks me down...
"-Tell me a story about why you're sad.
+Do you think I'm sad?
What makes you think that?
-Your eyes told me."
Chapter 4 : Worthless(NO ME AMES)
what's my value in life?
what did i do in my life to make me a worthy person ?
wha did i do to be proud of ?
what field am i special in ?
NOTHIN......
'am totally worthless , useless , mindless ....
unfortunately i began to feel 'am a hopeless case ...
it's not a matter of these days , what happened , what's happening or what shall happen ..
it's a matter of this life , my life ....
when life and death becomes equal ....
when existance becomes of no use .....
when failure becomes a daily routine...
"No Me Ames ...
porque pienses que parezco diferente....
porque estoy perdido...
porque cambie el mundo....
porque es el destino....
porque no se puede....."
Chapter 5 : Dilemma .....
my church which ain't my church .....
my friends who ain't my friends.....
my community which ain't my community...
me who ain't me at all .....
all struggling inside me
i don't know who is mina or who is rostom.......
a mess....
a big mess in ma mind .....
lot's of thoughts , many issues , many different directions ...
friends , church , project , future , courses , plans,.....
faded visions , delusional facts .....
activities ....
as if we have nothin but activities......
activities that increase dispersion beyond the normal level ......
rebelous moves aiming to change the world .....
or is it just.... ?
who knows ?
"so2al wa7ed
sab7 el so2al million
tab fina kam wa7ed
sa2l el so2al begnon
tab men ana
we leeh we feen we ezay yekon
el kalam 3ani laken mahosh meny!!!"
Chapter 6 :Dark Thoughts.......
Dark thoughts are roaming my mind ......
Depression ..
Frustration...
Confusion...
Weakness...
Sadness...
Madness...
Insanity....
Being so Helpless ....
" I get lost in the nothingness inside of me .....
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long (Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along Somewhere I belong ....." Linkin Park
" Enta msh hatest7mel nafsak ....." said she
Darkness....
Loss.....
" can't find urself , lost in urlife ......" Evanescence
Attenuated relations
Scattered thoughts
Delusional facts
"It's not how YOU play the GAME , It's how the GAME plays YOU !!!! "
"Welcome to the REAL WORLD ......"
Darkness......
Nothing but endless darkness , sometimes interrupted by faceless
people and unidentifid speech
A voice from far away " UTOPIA IS DOWN !!!! " .........
" You want to know the truth , ok . Which truth u want , ur truth , our truth or THE TRUTH ? ! ! ! ! "
Well let me tell you one thing that is .......
'am MENTALLY BLOCKED DOWN
Chapter 7: It's getting DARKER ....
Rain .....
Endless floods of rain...
" I'm so tired of being hereSuppressed by all my childish fears "
Rain drops over the glasses .....
" When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears "
Wind roaoring ....
" When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears "
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase "
Dark thoughts blocking me mentally
" I'm falling forever...I'm going under "
Water everywhere ....
Alone in this time of the night ...
"i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost? "
Final Chapter : Death...
" men zamaan 3ayesh be 3a2ly
we 2alby rafed fat7 baboh
sabab makhawfoh kan elly shayfoh
mel 7ob we men so7aboh ....."
posted by M.R at 3:07 PM
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